How you can change without knowing

Cameron Madden
MSMU Class of 2028

(1/25) I think that whether we know it or not, there is always someone who has fundamentally assisted in changing something about ourselves, whether for better or worse. As the holiday season concludes and I am surrounded by family and friends, it makes me realize that the slightest change to my personality or character would have changed every interaction and infliction I have made on them, and furthermore what I know about them, the world and myself. It is kind of impossible to really know when I turned into the person I became today, but I think that besides being born there is one distinctive time in which I can say set me up for the future. This time corresponds with the introduction to one of the greatest people I know to this day, and for the sake of anonymity we shall call her Jules.

It was during sophomore year, a time where I was in the maximum pubescent experience, wondering just how my world will turn out, while also ignoring the future and world to just enjoy the moment. I had somewhat complicated ideas of plans, but it all basically boiled down to keeping good grades, going to college, and ending up in law school to become some kind of lawyer. Because of this mock-up of a life goal, I was taking unique classes in my high school that would prepare me for office and legal assistant work. During the multiple years of going to this class, I know that the people who attended it with me did not care for me much, and honestly the feeling was mutual. That was except for one person who I met there, obviously being Jules since I built this background up to explain her! She was quite reserved, but personally extroverted and built with a good sense of humor and "outgoingness" (a.k.a. she was feisty.) We certainly clicked, but for the first months of knowing her I regret to say that we were just classroom friends, and it meant nothing more to me at the time than just knowing a person I could talk to.

You see, at this time I was really struggling with friendships due to me being truly separated from my best friend since young childhood, and the friends that I made at school were all changing and I felt less and less included. Besides my mock-up plans I didn’t know what I myself wanted to do, nor what I thought was fun or interesting. I was really just boring, at least in my own opinion, and I really wanted to find out what made me happy. All my friendships by this logic then were kept alive by convenience, and material interest rather than being interested by the person.

Yet as I got closer to Jules, I began to find more things to which brought me joy, but there are a couple of specific things that made me develop differently in terms of deciding who I was. Jules wasn’t fine herself, and without giving away anything I had promised to keep secret, she was really struggling mentally with a lot of things. The first day I caught her crying really was a turn around for me specifically. For hours she spilled out feelings about things I had no idea about, and for the first time in so long I realized that she, my friend, was a real and amazing person; not just another classmate or seat next to me. I knew from that moment I had to step in and do everything I could to make her happy, and looking back this is what really helped my sentiment of commitment towards others. I really think a large part of my purpose is to be of help to others, and to make the lives of people I care about easier, because more than anything else that is what makes me happy, and I know that because it sums up the whole dynamic I have had with her since then, and I couldn’t be happier! My experience with her made me reproach my relationships with all my other friends, and grow closer and stronger with them, all because of her just existing.

Not only was her existence enough, but her perseverance taught me way more than I have given it credit for! She was smart for sure, but due to her own interests and also problems, school and its work were not priorities; especially when her attitude often made her feud with teachers! Yet every time, when the workload seemed impossible and the grade could have turned to disaster, she worked harder than I knew was possible and got it done. Everytime. It really inspires me to get things done, both professionally and personally. My work ethic and personal goals were all changed and inspired by her, but there is one more minor miracle that she has done (quite inadvertently) that has made me believe not only in the things I am now inspired to do, but in something beyond. I never was religious in my youth, and when going to Sunday school I just went for some cookies that were given to us. Yet during this time of feeling lost, I prayed on a specific night about some specific things, relating to friends and such, and one of the things I asked was to get the numbers of people I was friendly with. Wouldn’t you believe that it was the night before Jules broke down as mentioned before, and right after that she definitely cemented not only our friendship but my faith, as she made me put my number in her phone.

I feel as though on that particular day, and the further experience of knowing her, my old and depreciated views of myself and the world were taken away and given new purpose, new meaning, and for that I realize just how much of my confidence, life, and faith I have gained from her. Thank you, Jules, you will never know how much you have meant to me, because even I am still inspired and am encouraged to be better by your example! I hope all you readers can find someone just like this, or at least one without the problems that hurt them, so they don’t have to hurt at all!